Phew...!

Every time there is this restriction,this fear to be safe,to take the right decision to take a 'lasting' decision....sometimes this entire safety valve that I have built for myself is extremely frustrating.I feel like taking a 'plunge' into nowhere,a plunge which is risky,dangerous,momentary but worth it.
This wall is not letting me live my feelings,my thrills,my adventures,for once I don't feel like being on the safe side.I have to go beyond,take that step forward beyond the edge,be impulsive and absolutely crazy.Sometimes I wonder do my desires caged by the wall really exist,maybe I am actually the girl who always wants to live safe,or maybe I am not being able to break free and express the cynical,weird and adventurous side in me.
......................................................Even God doth not know!

FIRE!

True story.

I think,No I know I am unlucky!
Almost like the Twin Towers would collapse If they would have placed me in front of the buildings and they would save a lot of cash and time and effort!This is not just an assumption mind you,it is a very precise observation that I have made over many years and have eventually concluded that I am simply plain unlucky!A very recent example would be my experience of writing my honours paper for 4 hours almost without any air.In this age of Global Warming people die without air conditioner and fan is a basic necessity but this examination centre where I gave my horribly long exam denied me of my basic necessity.The hall was huge with almost 30 fans and the one fan,the one and only fan which was not working was obviously the one above me.Yes I was furious,angry,mad at myself because its not the the fault of the college it was yet another indication of my sad luck.I tried,I asked the weird old invigilator who had a very twisted long nose to help me out.He tried too,brought a slender stick and tried his hand at rotation,but obviously the power of my bad luck is stronger and therefore his efforts had no impact.I spent 14400 seconds without a fan writing a paper,sweating like a pig,smelling like shit!My paper was almost WET!
The above story is a real life incident with a real human being involved in it,and yes you know someone who is the epitome of bad luck,congratulations!

Trusting You.

When it happens again this time
I will gulp down my tears
stitch the tear in my heart
suffocate my feelings and fears
but I won't let it rewind

When it happens again this time
I will play it with my brain
I will not believe a single word you say
close every soft corner of my soul
through which you could find a way.

But,when it did happen again this time,
I fell for your charm.
played it with all my heart
opened every soft corner of my soul
through which you could find a way...

AND,

It died in me again,
a slow painful death...

oh no!

you are becoming my mood elevator!
oh no!

Desire

will u write a song for me?
will u sing it with all your heart
and with every beat will you stare at me lovingly
if not...i wont complain

will u walk in the rain with me?
will u hold my moist hand?
and feel the wondrous drops
if not...i wont complain

will i be a part of your bliss?
will u let me share your sorrows
and take me along for every trip,every risk
if not...i wont complain

will you leave me if i don't smile often?
will you escape when i am in tears
and desert me empty crowded by my fears
if yes...i still wont complain

Denial...

Its so empty without you
a numb vagueness sets in
its weird,its creepy
do I miss YOU?

NO!

but i can feel the void....
the void without you!

Realization

He has a black heart,an evil mind
but,he is still the innocent murderer!
The devil in him a cruel deed will always find
but,he is still the innocent murderer!
His injured soul with crimes he wounds,
he sneers and cheers at every pathetic sight,
he wishes for painful deaths,
but,he is still the innocent murderer!


He will slaughter compassion.
He will choke friendship to death.
He will mark the end of love.
'cos he IS the innocent murderer!