Sometimes,
I wish I knew your reasons more than mine.
Just sometimes....
Sometimes,
I wish I could put words to your silence.
Just sometimes...
Sometimes,
I wish I knew you more than myself.
Just sometimes...
"My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone"
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Poisoned.
Twisted her mind
strangled her heart
you.
and it bled,deep red.
Incessant drops,wet.
hair tangled in a mess
eyes,smudged,coal black.
sorting her own fate.
trying her best to
cement the crack,
and looking back
for a pinch of pity.
It was only shrill
and it was throttling her
sheer agony,it was,
it was,
you.
Breathless,still and cold
abandoned,mocked,stabbed
her soul...poisoned.
By,
you.
strangled her heart
you.
and it bled,deep red.
Incessant drops,wet.
hair tangled in a mess
eyes,smudged,coal black.
sorting her own fate.
trying her best to
cement the crack,
and looking back
for a pinch of pity.
It was only shrill
and it was throttling her
sheer agony,it was,
it was,
you.
Breathless,still and cold
abandoned,mocked,stabbed
her soul...poisoned.
By,
you.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Great Expectations.
Like when you told me
I am your only beloved
I never believed you
and one fake smile was enough
to get you convinced
and I was trusted,by you
and one great mistake you made
and why....?
because you expected.
Like when you told me
you can give your life for me
I brushed it aside in my mind
embraced you warm and tight
and you concluded
that you were trusted
and you failed to notice the reality
and why.....?
because you expected.
Like when you told me
we would last forever
I dropped a tear
but deep down I sneered
and you elated
felt eternity could be created
and why.....?
because you expected.
We fell apart,
you crumbled,
I survived
and why....?
because 'only' you expected.
I am your only beloved
I never believed you
and one fake smile was enough
to get you convinced
and I was trusted,by you
and one great mistake you made
and why....?
because you expected.
Like when you told me
you can give your life for me
I brushed it aside in my mind
embraced you warm and tight
and you concluded
that you were trusted
and you failed to notice the reality
and why.....?
because you expected.
Like when you told me
we would last forever
I dropped a tear
but deep down I sneered
and you elated
felt eternity could be created
and why.....?
because you expected.
We fell apart,
you crumbled,
I survived
and why....?
because 'only' you expected.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Reminiscent.
December is almost here and every year this time I experience this empty,vacant feeling since a year ends and we enter into a new year yet to be carved with happiness and happenings,desires and disappointments,sensation and shocks.
Holding on to the last bit of the rushes,
the screams and applauds of yesterday
every scene is coloured with cheers and ecstasy
and the summer wrapped with oh so much of warmth
escaped swiftly,for just memories to stay.
2010 has been one of the best years of my life. I have discovered college life,have been all over the place all the time,realized that drunk people are the ultimate source of entertainment,celebrated friendship,and got over my biggest fear!
look at how the dry leaves crumble
into your smile the darkness lingers
a whole new world I see
and I lose myself in the wonders
of what you lead me into,secure yet vulnerable.
December is yet to arrive,but I don't expect much from this magical month this year,few things have fallen out of place,but I hope to have a tolerable ending to this beautiful year as we walk into another year of break ups and make ups!
drops from the frozen corner,
the bright lights over the cold white
and the distant celebrations
the elated shouts and the muffled sobs
all at one time,all in the same world.
P.S. Heartaches are vunderrrful ;)
Holding on to the last bit of the rushes,
the screams and applauds of yesterday
every scene is coloured with cheers and ecstasy
and the summer wrapped with oh so much of warmth
escaped swiftly,for just memories to stay.
2010 has been one of the best years of my life. I have discovered college life,have been all over the place all the time,realized that drunk people are the ultimate source of entertainment,celebrated friendship,and got over my biggest fear!
look at how the dry leaves crumble
into your smile the darkness lingers
a whole new world I see
and I lose myself in the wonders
of what you lead me into,secure yet vulnerable.
December is yet to arrive,but I don't expect much from this magical month this year,few things have fallen out of place,but I hope to have a tolerable ending to this beautiful year as we walk into another year of break ups and make ups!
drops from the frozen corner,
the bright lights over the cold white
and the distant celebrations
the elated shouts and the muffled sobs
all at one time,all in the same world.
P.S. Heartaches are vunderrrful ;)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Summer's Gone.
It's been too late,
and he feels strange.
Scampering and struggling for answers,for reason.
The snow clad street,White.
Haunted by the eerie winter night,
and the fog outside
and in his mind.
He sips the coffee,
turning the pages of memories.
He peers in one or two closely
and hastens over the others.
He is searching that one moment
which will cure his peculiar malady!
He puts himself to bed,
pulling the quilt closer to him.
He is yet to figure,
tired and exhausted,he has lost the vigour.
The eerie winter night engulfs him into the darkness....
and,summer's gone forever.
and he feels strange.
Scampering and struggling for answers,for reason.
The snow clad street,White.
Haunted by the eerie winter night,
and the fog outside
and in his mind.
He sips the coffee,
turning the pages of memories.
He peers in one or two closely
and hastens over the others.
He is searching that one moment
which will cure his peculiar malady!
He puts himself to bed,
pulling the quilt closer to him.
He is yet to figure,
tired and exhausted,he has lost the vigour.
The eerie winter night engulfs him into the darkness....
and,summer's gone forever.
Friday, November 5, 2010
As I like it.
It's like climbing up the moon,
and staring at the stars,
in the afternoon light.
You feel the warmth of the golden shine
in the dim rays of dusk!
It's like falling everywhere
but not getting hurt
and enjoying the hurt
as you let yourself fall!
It's all upside down,it's all gone wrong!!
But it's still so correct.....
It's like knowing the earth moves,
but believing it is the sun!
It's like living like the dead
but feeling alive!
and staring at the stars,
in the afternoon light.
You feel the warmth of the golden shine
in the dim rays of dusk!
It's like falling everywhere
but not getting hurt
and enjoying the hurt
as you let yourself fall!
It's all upside down,it's all gone wrong!!
But it's still so correct.....
It's like knowing the earth moves,
but believing it is the sun!
It's like living like the dead
but feeling alive!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Politics Of Love.
It was during the era of thriving capitalism,Marx said the world is divided into Haves and the Have-Nots.Haves had all what they needed,they were the capitalists and the Have-Nots were the slaves,never got what they wanted,and always did what the Haves demanded them to do.Marx believed his Socialist regime would end such divisions,and all would be equal and gain their desires.
The world always remained capitalist Socialism lost out to it,because we all are followers of capitalism,we all want to be the Haves and enjoy slavery from the Have-Nots.He loves her,but she does not,he cant have her,she has it all,she gets the one she loves,he crumbles in pain,a slave to her rejection and follows intense struggle full of agony. He is the Have-not,she is the capitalist,isn't it? She loves him,enchanted and charmed by his ways,she hopes for togetherness,he has no such intentions and she is a slave of her refusal! Yes she is the Have-not.
This world goes round and round,so does the system. If you are a 'Have' now you must have been a 'Have-not' before or will be one soon.It is the logic behind this weird game of love,what goes around comes around ;) until then that's all folks!
The world always remained capitalist Socialism lost out to it,because we all are followers of capitalism,we all want to be the Haves and enjoy slavery from the Have-Nots.He loves her,but she does not,he cant have her,she has it all,she gets the one she loves,he crumbles in pain,a slave to her rejection and follows intense struggle full of agony. He is the Have-not,she is the capitalist,isn't it? She loves him,enchanted and charmed by his ways,she hopes for togetherness,he has no such intentions and she is a slave of her refusal! Yes she is the Have-not.
This world goes round and round,so does the system. If you are a 'Have' now you must have been a 'Have-not' before or will be one soon.It is the logic behind this weird game of love,what goes around comes around ;) until then that's all folks!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Can Feel Again.
The empty streets aroused by the midnight glow
A faint shadow accompanying the night.
Two hands clutched tightly,
strolling down 'their paradise.'
alone,lonely, silent but still complete!
......It was not bliss before........
A violent storm had ravaged the heart,
and the sensation confused by the mind.
Every dawn would be foggy
and dusk would set in
with vagueness and a constant ache...
struggling,fighting,choking and the pain.
The desire overwhelmed every doubt
the feeling demanded a life.
A blabbering noise inside
and the cold drops down the senses
It was known all along...
it was time to visit 'their paradise!'
A faint shadow accompanying the night.
Two hands clutched tightly,
strolling down 'their paradise.'
alone,lonely, silent but still complete!
......It was not bliss before........
A violent storm had ravaged the heart,
and the sensation confused by the mind.
Every dawn would be foggy
and dusk would set in
with vagueness and a constant ache...
struggling,fighting,choking and the pain.
The desire overwhelmed every doubt
the feeling demanded a life.
A blabbering noise inside
and the cold drops down the senses
It was known all along...
it was time to visit 'their paradise!'
Friday, October 1, 2010
A Start.
It goes round and round
it goes left right center
and helter skelter
but it comes back to me
bits and pieces,moments and notions
like they were
yes Its rare!
You are building a small world for me,
and I am holding on to every bit,every piece,every moment,every notion.
it goes left right center
and helter skelter
but it comes back to me
bits and pieces,moments and notions
like they were
yes Its rare!
You are building a small world for me,
and I am holding on to every bit,every piece,every moment,every notion.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Love Story.
We need to find a way
search our way through this mist
I am holding on to you firmly
and you smiling,just smiling!
because you have faith in me,in us!
I stare longingly,lead on by you and your faith.
A sudden hindrance
A slight hesitance
and I move back
you look back
I could see fear in your eyes
still holding on to me,
bruised by my attempts to push you away
your voice choking and my escape!
The streak of blood-frozen,
the chilly wind is pricking the wound!
I had no memory of what followed.....
but I knew I had lost you
I just had a wound explaining my betrayal!
Blinded by the yellow lights
and stunned at my loss
I tried to gather myself.
Feelings had to be abandoned
tears had to be gulped
but,then again,I could feel the touch,
I was held by the same firmness
and you smiled at me again!
I curled up in your arms
and I am smiling back,cos I have faith in you,in us!
and the blood trickling down letting love in.
search our way through this mist
I am holding on to you firmly
and you smiling,just smiling!
because you have faith in me,in us!
I stare longingly,lead on by you and your faith.
A sudden hindrance
A slight hesitance
and I move back
you look back
I could see fear in your eyes
still holding on to me,
bruised by my attempts to push you away
your voice choking and my escape!
The streak of blood-frozen,
the chilly wind is pricking the wound!
I had no memory of what followed.....
but I knew I had lost you
I just had a wound explaining my betrayal!
Blinded by the yellow lights
and stunned at my loss
I tried to gather myself.
Feelings had to be abandoned
tears had to be gulped
but,then again,I could feel the touch,
I was held by the same firmness
and you smiled at me again!
I curled up in your arms
and I am smiling back,cos I have faith in you,in us!
and the blood trickling down letting love in.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Preparation
This time I am not in a mess,but I am the mess!Too much to handle and too much to figure at once.Conflicting thoughts crowd me all the time and worries. Worrying about being fair,but worrying about caring on the other hand and wanting to take the plunge but then again not being able to fight my fear.I am weak,very very weak,I love my safe cosy corner,pulling myself out of it is an impossible task for me!The hurt will remain,the guilt that I was the reason for the hurt will be a burden with me forever!What I wonder is that will anyone realize who I have hurt the most? maybe not! In this world people don't see it unless shown and people wont see.The answer to this question therefore will remain a mystery!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The End.
I want to break free
let the world fall apart
let it destroy itself
let hell defeat all sanity
and let madness set in
because now the pain has just crossed all limits
now it is all consuming!
I have tried very hard...
to let the pain flow through tears
or let it out with anger and shrieks
but all the salty water has dried up
and there's no noise in my helpless sobs!
I am looking for you!
let me hold on to you!
I swear I wont take much of your time
Just a few moments would be enough
and I will store it for the rest of my life.
let the world fall apart
let it destroy itself
let hell defeat all sanity
and let madness set in
because now the pain has just crossed all limits
now it is all consuming!
I have tried very hard...
to let the pain flow through tears
or let it out with anger and shrieks
but all the salty water has dried up
and there's no noise in my helpless sobs!
I am looking for you!
let me hold on to you!
I swear I wont take much of your time
Just a few moments would be enough
and I will store it for the rest of my life.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Envisage.
Letting you mock me,
just because it makes you laugh.
Letting you confuse me,
only because it amuses you.
You can scare me,maneuver me,humiliate me
as I am living in your dream.
I am searching for you,
in every memory,in every moment,
Every song,every chorus,
helps me find you.
You are at the center,you are at every corner
it is almost like you are breathing in me,
as I am living in your dream.
Strange! How I have lost myself to you!
Not a bit of nervousness,or a tinge of fright!
I could be with you all day long...
and think of you when awake all night.
When I am around you,
life smiles at me,
loves me,pampers me,
as I am living in your dream!
This feeling can't be held back...
It can't be....!
It has no future.
It has no aim.
It is a breeze which has lost it's way.
I need to let it contain,
let it restrict,
and finally let it decay!
I need to be shaken up,
shaken up from this fantasy,
shaken up,from living in your dream.
just because it makes you laugh.
Letting you confuse me,
only because it amuses you.
You can scare me,maneuver me,humiliate me
as I am living in your dream.
I am searching for you,
in every memory,in every moment,
Every song,every chorus,
helps me find you.
You are at the center,you are at every corner
it is almost like you are breathing in me,
as I am living in your dream.
Strange! How I have lost myself to you!
Not a bit of nervousness,or a tinge of fright!
I could be with you all day long...
and think of you when awake all night.
When I am around you,
life smiles at me,
loves me,pampers me,
as I am living in your dream!
This feeling can't be held back...
It can't be....!
It has no future.
It has no aim.
It is a breeze which has lost it's way.
I need to let it contain,
let it restrict,
and finally let it decay!
I need to be shaken up,
shaken up from this fantasy,
shaken up,from living in your dream.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
A Musical.
In every song I see the different and various aspects of love.If it is pain in one song,Its ecstasy in another.In every song there are few lines which are very close to my heart because I wish that one day I will be able to or maybe already can identify myself with the sentiments being projected by that particular extract of that song.
"I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw."
(John Mayer)
Instances when you can feel this way and experience such joy and completeness is rare.
Its rare because mutual love is rare.
It is rare because reciprocation to your intense emotions with the same degree of intensity happens,but only once in a pink moon,and only with few blessed individuals. :)
"All the while you were in front of me I never realized
I just can't believe I didn't see it in your eyes
I didn't see it, I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me"
(Marc Anthony)
Most of the time,you never know!You never know,what you feel?
why you feel that way?
And is the other person feeling the same way?
Is it worth it?
And then in the midst of so much of speculation you fail to notice that,
it was always there!
always!just for you!
but you were too busy being safe!
"But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you."
(James Blunt)
Finally,you know that it wont happen!
How much you crave for it!
How much it may hurt you,
the uncertainty even bites you,pricks you,
but you have too much to handle,too many to manage,
too many feelings to respect,too much to realize!
Therefore,it ends with a blow, leaving a scar just for you.
You took care of others,just couldn't care for yourself!
"I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw."
(John Mayer)
Instances when you can feel this way and experience such joy and completeness is rare.
Its rare because mutual love is rare.
It is rare because reciprocation to your intense emotions with the same degree of intensity happens,but only once in a pink moon,and only with few blessed individuals. :)
"All the while you were in front of me I never realized
I just can't believe I didn't see it in your eyes
I didn't see it, I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me"
(Marc Anthony)
Most of the time,you never know!You never know,what you feel?
why you feel that way?
And is the other person feeling the same way?
Is it worth it?
And then in the midst of so much of speculation you fail to notice that,
it was always there!
always!just for you!
but you were too busy being safe!
"But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you."
(James Blunt)
Finally,you know that it wont happen!
How much you crave for it!
How much it may hurt you,
the uncertainty even bites you,pricks you,
but you have too much to handle,too many to manage,
too many feelings to respect,too much to realize!
Therefore,it ends with a blow, leaving a scar just for you.
You took care of others,just couldn't care for yourself!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Forward.
I love the way I gather myself each time I fall.Every such incident assures me of my strength and my tenacity. It feels good to know I am tough.
The process through which such a realization dawns is obviously not pleasant! Involves pain,anger,irritation,frustration and a whole lot of unwanted emotions but eventually while I face and deal with such filthy irritants I become harder each time,even better then before at gulping tears,suppressing desires and handling depression.
I wish to be happy most of the time in life and I know it is a common demand but I work towards being cheerful and not letting my friends be helpless victims of my complaints and grumbles. I have always solved my own problems and this time its not going to be any different,just that getting over uncertain emotions is almost an impossibility,but I know I can and will.
~ You are responsible for your life. You can't keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on. ~ Oprah Winfrey.
The process through which such a realization dawns is obviously not pleasant! Involves pain,anger,irritation,frustration and a whole lot of unwanted emotions but eventually while I face and deal with such filthy irritants I become harder each time,even better then before at gulping tears,suppressing desires and handling depression.
I wish to be happy most of the time in life and I know it is a common demand but I work towards being cheerful and not letting my friends be helpless victims of my complaints and grumbles. I have always solved my own problems and this time its not going to be any different,just that getting over uncertain emotions is almost an impossibility,but I know I can and will.
~ You are responsible for your life. You can't keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on. ~ Oprah Winfrey.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Going beyond.
Scattered around my mind,
just the few I can hold on to.
Not enough for a lifetime
but too much for now!
Not one longing look
not one loving exchange
not even one subtle touch
or a charming smile...
but when I ask myself
I know just the thought is enough.
I will let go of you!
but let me be...
let the thoughts remain
that is my only way
to have you close to me
to feel the touch
stare at the longing glance
and lose myself to your charming smile.
With every morning ray
and with every soft moon light
I will close my eyes
and let myself dream....
dream about being with you
dream about being a part of you
loving you,caring for you
and with these sights
I will fall deeper and deeper
never to cure ,never to recover.
just the few I can hold on to.
Not enough for a lifetime
but too much for now!
Not one longing look
not one loving exchange
not even one subtle touch
or a charming smile...
but when I ask myself
I know just the thought is enough.
I will let go of you!
but let me be...
let the thoughts remain
that is my only way
to have you close to me
to feel the touch
stare at the longing glance
and lose myself to your charming smile.
With every morning ray
and with every soft moon light
I will close my eyes
and let myself dream....
dream about being with you
dream about being a part of you
loving you,caring for you
and with these sights
I will fall deeper and deeper
never to cure ,never to recover.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Nothingness
It has been long
but it hasn't been enough
wondering and wandering about you
It is crazy,it is amazing
It is painful but blissful
should I take the plunge?
will I fall in love?
or will I just drop dead.
but it hasn't been enough
wondering and wandering about you
It is crazy,it is amazing
It is painful but blissful
should I take the plunge?
will I fall in love?
or will I just drop dead.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Recent Past.
Why do I have to go through it all over again?
not again,its very painful!
stop right there,its very painful!
my jaw hurts,but I have to smile!
that fake smile,irritating laugh
just to convince that I am still not done
just to convince I am not lost yet
End it now,leave it unfinished
it is just not about the fun anymore
it pricks me deep,hurts me bad
its not a nice feeling,to be trampled every time
trampled by your moves,trampled by your guts.
I want to kill it,
I want to stab it till it bleeds,
gun it down or choke it to death.
Just can't live with it
just wont live with it.
not again,its very painful!
stop right there,its very painful!
my jaw hurts,but I have to smile!
that fake smile,irritating laugh
just to convince that I am still not done
just to convince I am not lost yet
End it now,leave it unfinished
it is just not about the fun anymore
it pricks me deep,hurts me bad
its not a nice feeling,to be trampled every time
trampled by your moves,trampled by your guts.
I want to kill it,
I want to stab it till it bleeds,
gun it down or choke it to death.
Just can't live with it
just wont live with it.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A song without a tune.
Every time I escape,
you hold me back in surprise!
Every time I lie
you catch me by my smile.
It is not amusing any more....
since I want to mask my feelings now.
You have a lot going on,
but I have only you,
in my mind messing around...
I have to let this go!
You are a master with words
but can't you see I am not?
You are still at the edge
but I am going down and down!
No clue,how I am smiling with a tear?
crying with a curve?
because you lead me on?
You made me overcome my fears
and you lead me on I think...
but it's still faraway,for me to sway
it's still faraway.
But.even you know for sure,
It's all because you lead me on...
you hold me back in surprise!
Every time I lie
you catch me by my smile.
It is not amusing any more....
since I want to mask my feelings now.
You have a lot going on,
but I have only you,
in my mind messing around...
I have to let this go!
You are a master with words
but can't you see I am not?
You are still at the edge
but I am going down and down!
No clue,how I am smiling with a tear?
crying with a curve?
because you lead me on?
You made me overcome my fears
and you lead me on I think...
but it's still faraway,for me to sway
it's still faraway.
But.even you know for sure,
It's all because you lead me on...
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
....................
Always wanted a light breeze
but what is sweeping me off my feet
is the storm
it comes and goes
just like a tease.
careful...careful...careful...!
but what is sweeping me off my feet
is the storm
it comes and goes
just like a tease.
careful...careful...careful...!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Slumber.
She hopes her heart beats louder
the time she would make her confession
so that when you cackle at her hopes
her beats overpower your laughter.
When she knows shes not worth you,
She can rip all her emotions.
because,Love is the cause of her death,
love is the cause of her fracture!
the time she would make her confession
so that when you cackle at her hopes
her beats overpower your laughter.
When she knows shes not worth you,
She can rip all her emotions.
because,Love is the cause of her death,
love is the cause of her fracture!
BLEH
I feel like blogging...I feel like writing about the eventful day but then there is so much I can't mention and so much of it needs to be portrayed differently and in a more subtle way that after a long day I don't really feel like putting that much effort!
The more and more I deal with life,face it and progress I realize how precious few people are to me. How I hate to see my friends unhappy or angry or helpless!
I feel like helping them doing something even going out of my way,but not always can I
do so,I am usually restricted.
I always feel I have this responsibility towards them,its compulsory for me to stand up for them,defend them even if they are devils,even if people think its "the more then friendship" feeling acting behind my
animated and vigorous fights. I don't know or care whether I get back as much as I give....I have never thought of that,'cos I am happy doing my bit and enjoying friendship which at present decorates every aspect of my life.
As for Love,It can wait!
The more and more I deal with life,face it and progress I realize how precious few people are to me. How I hate to see my friends unhappy or angry or helpless!
I feel like helping them doing something even going out of my way,but not always can I
do so,I am usually restricted.
I always feel I have this responsibility towards them,its compulsory for me to stand up for them,defend them even if they are devils,even if people think its "the more then friendship" feeling acting behind my
animated and vigorous fights. I don't know or care whether I get back as much as I give....I have never thought of that,'cos I am happy doing my bit and enjoying friendship which at present decorates every aspect of my life.
As for Love,It can wait!
Monday, August 2, 2010
The Healing......
Its never too late
its not too much of a risk
lets not hesitate,lets not complain
you know you can fix
you know you can make me live
just,cure me by your poison.
A hundred slits decor my wrist
how cold is the blood that flows
my heart throbbing against my fragile skin
and my eyes moist,worried and keen.
You know its time,
the time for me to perish.
But, you don't want to let go of me
you don't believe in just memories to cherish
so hold me back
with just, that one move
please,cure me by your poison.
The cut must be deeper!
the wound must bleed!!
My screams must not stop you
I know it pains your heart,
to pain my soul.
But,the time had come
to rewind my life
to preserve the passion
to protect the love
a new life in me you could feed
and,you cured me by your poison.
its not too much of a risk
lets not hesitate,lets not complain
you know you can fix
you know you can make me live
just,cure me by your poison.
A hundred slits decor my wrist
how cold is the blood that flows
my heart throbbing against my fragile skin
and my eyes moist,worried and keen.
You know its time,
the time for me to perish.
But, you don't want to let go of me
you don't believe in just memories to cherish
so hold me back
with just, that one move
please,cure me by your poison.
The cut must be deeper!
the wound must bleed!!
My screams must not stop you
I know it pains your heart,
to pain my soul.
But,the time had come
to rewind my life
to preserve the passion
to protect the love
a new life in me you could feed
and,you cured me by your poison.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Phew...!
Every time there is this restriction,this fear to be safe,to take the right decision to take a 'lasting' decision....sometimes this entire safety valve that I have built for myself is extremely frustrating.I feel like taking a 'plunge' into nowhere,a plunge which is risky,dangerous,momentary but worth it.
This wall is not letting me live my feelings,my thrills,my adventures,for once I don't feel like being on the safe side.I have to go beyond,take that step forward beyond the edge,be impulsive and absolutely crazy.Sometimes I wonder do my desires caged by the wall really exist,maybe I am actually the girl who always wants to live safe,or maybe I am not being able to break free and express the cynical,weird and adventurous side in me.
......................................................Even God doth not know!
This wall is not letting me live my feelings,my thrills,my adventures,for once I don't feel like being on the safe side.I have to go beyond,take that step forward beyond the edge,be impulsive and absolutely crazy.Sometimes I wonder do my desires caged by the wall really exist,maybe I am actually the girl who always wants to live safe,or maybe I am not being able to break free and express the cynical,weird and adventurous side in me.
......................................................Even God doth not know!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
True story.
I think,No I know I am unlucky!
Almost like the Twin Towers would collapse If they would have placed me in front of the buildings and they would save a lot of cash and time and effort!This is not just an assumption mind you,it is a very precise observation that I have made over many years and have eventually concluded that I am simply plain unlucky!A very recent example would be my experience of writing my honours paper for 4 hours almost without any air.In this age of Global Warming people die without air conditioner and fan is a basic necessity but this examination centre where I gave my horribly long exam denied me of my basic necessity.The hall was huge with almost 30 fans and the one fan,the one and only fan which was not working was obviously the one above me.Yes I was furious,angry,mad at myself because its not the the fault of the college it was yet another indication of my sad luck.I tried,I asked the weird old invigilator who had a very twisted long nose to help me out.He tried too,brought a slender stick and tried his hand at rotation,but obviously the power of my bad luck is stronger and therefore his efforts had no impact.I spent 14400 seconds without a fan writing a paper,sweating like a pig,smelling like shit!My paper was almost WET!
The above story is a real life incident with a real human being involved in it,and yes you know someone who is the epitome of bad luck,congratulations!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Trusting You.
When it happens again this time
I will gulp down my tears
stitch the tear in my heart
suffocate my feelings and fears
but I won't let it rewind
When it happens again this time
I will play it with my brain
I will not believe a single word you say
close every soft corner of my soul
through which you could find a way.
But,when it did happen again this time,
I fell for your charm.
played it with all my heart
opened every soft corner of my soul
through which you could find a way...
AND,
It died in me again,
a slow painful death...
I will gulp down my tears
stitch the tear in my heart
suffocate my feelings and fears
but I won't let it rewind
When it happens again this time
I will play it with my brain
I will not believe a single word you say
close every soft corner of my soul
through which you could find a way.
But,when it did happen again this time,
I fell for your charm.
played it with all my heart
opened every soft corner of my soul
through which you could find a way...
AND,
It died in me again,
a slow painful death...
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Desire
will u write a song for me?
will u sing it with all your heart
and with every beat will you stare at me lovingly
if not...i wont complain
will u walk in the rain with me?
will u hold my moist hand?
and feel the wondrous drops
if not...i wont complain
will i be a part of your bliss?
will u let me share your sorrows
and take me along for every trip,every risk
if not...i wont complain
will you leave me if i don't smile often?
will you escape when i am in tears
and desert me empty crowded by my fears
if yes...i still wont complain
will u sing it with all your heart
and with every beat will you stare at me lovingly
if not...i wont complain
will u walk in the rain with me?
will u hold my moist hand?
and feel the wondrous drops
if not...i wont complain
will i be a part of your bliss?
will u let me share your sorrows
and take me along for every trip,every risk
if not...i wont complain
will you leave me if i don't smile often?
will you escape when i am in tears
and desert me empty crowded by my fears
if yes...i still wont complain
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Denial...
Its so empty without you
a numb vagueness sets in
its weird,its creepy
do I miss YOU?
NO!
but i can feel the void....
the void without you!
a numb vagueness sets in
its weird,its creepy
do I miss YOU?
NO!
but i can feel the void....
the void without you!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Realization
He has a black heart,an evil mind
but,he is still the innocent murderer!
The devil in him a cruel deed will always find
but,he is still the innocent murderer!
His injured soul with crimes he wounds,
he sneers and cheers at every pathetic sight,
he wishes for painful deaths,
but,he is still the innocent murderer!
He will slaughter compassion.
He will choke friendship to death.
He will mark the end of love.
'cos he IS the innocent murderer!
but,he is still the innocent murderer!
The devil in him a cruel deed will always find
but,he is still the innocent murderer!
His injured soul with crimes he wounds,
he sneers and cheers at every pathetic sight,
he wishes for painful deaths,
but,he is still the innocent murderer!
He will slaughter compassion.
He will choke friendship to death.
He will mark the end of love.
'cos he IS the innocent murderer!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Memoirs of a foolish girl...
The most stupid girl was she. I mean,gullible,dumb,dimwitted,anything and everything that could enhance her stupidity,but people loved her,she very effortlessly brought vibrance along with her and occasionally showed streaks of intelligence,which to others seemed to be very contradictory to her usual self.
Now,this girl was untouched by love and all its lesser synonyms-crush,infatuation and so on. Her friends all around her were falling in 'love' fast and falling out of 'love' faster.She kept a safe distance.
She hated him! So much of arrogance,pride....she would argue with him everyday.Her desired peaceful evenings at the club turned into a battlefield with the boy around.She was taken aback when she realized she was conversing,yes conversing and not fighting with him.They never realized when and how friendship slipped in. He appeared to be more witty and humorous than arrogant or proud.
She said NO! She didn't love him. The boy's confession of love for her,received a polite no. Initially she asked him to stop kidding,"don't joke about love at least" she would say.But that day when he looked into her eyes so sharp,the honesty pricked her disbelief,but her answer still, was a polite no.She couldn't stop feeling sad for him,at times it would be anger on her incapability to love him back.He would always make her feel special,would call her oddly average features pretty and those longing eyes...it seemed she was living her love through his,although the conscious brain was unaware,but the heart knew,the heart always knows...
That cruel laughter immersed her muffled sobs......................................
"I was kidding" he said,"you are so stupid,its so easy to fool you,and you believed me blindly!" He was loud and clear,boasting about his victory,but she couldn't hear a word,that laughter seemed to have deafened her,numbed her!She was hurt,humiliated and horrified. She wanted that moment to flee,erase....but her wishes hardly came true.The awareness traveled from the sub-conscious brain to the realm of consciousness,and a pain pierced deep into her heart,and embedded itself forever.
Love did touch her,but she never knew that touch would be a scar,that scar which never allowed her to fall in love again.......
Now,this girl was untouched by love and all its lesser synonyms-crush,infatuation and so on. Her friends all around her were falling in 'love' fast and falling out of 'love' faster.She kept a safe distance.
She hated him! So much of arrogance,pride....she would argue with him everyday.Her desired peaceful evenings at the club turned into a battlefield with the boy around.She was taken aback when she realized she was conversing,yes conversing and not fighting with him.They never realized when and how friendship slipped in. He appeared to be more witty and humorous than arrogant or proud.
She said NO! She didn't love him. The boy's confession of love for her,received a polite no. Initially she asked him to stop kidding,"don't joke about love at least" she would say.But that day when he looked into her eyes so sharp,the honesty pricked her disbelief,but her answer still, was a polite no.She couldn't stop feeling sad for him,at times it would be anger on her incapability to love him back.He would always make her feel special,would call her oddly average features pretty and those longing eyes...it seemed she was living her love through his,although the conscious brain was unaware,but the heart knew,the heart always knows...
That cruel laughter immersed her muffled sobs......................................
"I was kidding" he said,"you are so stupid,its so easy to fool you,and you believed me blindly!" He was loud and clear,boasting about his victory,but she couldn't hear a word,that laughter seemed to have deafened her,numbed her!She was hurt,humiliated and horrified. She wanted that moment to flee,erase....but her wishes hardly came true.The awareness traveled from the sub-conscious brain to the realm of consciousness,and a pain pierced deep into her heart,and embedded itself forever.
Love did touch her,but she never knew that touch would be a scar,that scar which never allowed her to fall in love again.......
Monday, June 21, 2010
Letter to love (2)
Dear love,
Its time my bubble breaks.I know I have been defeated,but why don't I mind this defeat?I am sure I have an answer to this,an answer engraved deep within me.I know this defeat is sweet,but the sweetness I have been forbidden from enjoying.My brain forbids my heart.I know losing will be difficult,both the wonderful 'play' and the 'person' but i choose this 'pain' above that 'surrender'. -adrija.
Its time my bubble breaks.I know I have been defeated,but why don't I mind this defeat?I am sure I have an answer to this,an answer engraved deep within me.I know this defeat is sweet,but the sweetness I have been forbidden from enjoying.My brain forbids my heart.I know losing will be difficult,both the wonderful 'play' and the 'person' but i choose this 'pain' above that 'surrender'. -adrija.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Letter to Love.
Dear Love,
It needs to stop,a lot of things need to stop!This weird feeling that my organs are tickling me,everywhere,in my stomach need to stop.I knew I was clumsy,but,this abnormal crashing and collapsing every freaking second when he is around me,need to stop.This beating of the heart so fast and the tongue getting all paralyzed need to stop.I will remain in denial,therefore,you wont succeed by making my heart race or my stomach churn.YES!I will never spit it out,I will let him go.Those tricks love,wont work cos maybe he will NEVER know.-adrija
It needs to stop,a lot of things need to stop!This weird feeling that my organs are tickling me,everywhere,in my stomach need to stop.I knew I was clumsy,but,this abnormal crashing and collapsing every freaking second when he is around me,need to stop.This beating of the heart so fast and the tongue getting all paralyzed need to stop.I will remain in denial,therefore,you wont succeed by making my heart race or my stomach churn.YES!I will never spit it out,I will let him go.Those tricks love,wont work cos maybe he will NEVER know.-adrija
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Players
Test my courage
stretch my patience
prick my ego
observe my moves
but,each time,i will surprise you!
cos the game which ends in love,
is no game at all....:)
stretch my patience
prick my ego
observe my moves
but,each time,i will surprise you!
cos the game which ends in love,
is no game at all....:)
My Own
You think i don't know?!
You think i can't judge?!
Those nonsense stuff!!
which u call rules?
You think i cant defy?
Those ancient moves?!!
I am here to live.
And not just dream!
Yes i will grief at my loss.
Yes i will be elated at my victories.
Yes i will have less friends than foes..
At times, my life will go for a toss,
But i do not need to be consoled,
Nor to be cared...
Cos for my life
I am my own console,my own care!
You cant control me!
You cant direct my ways,
influence my wishes!
to every alien effort i will be a rebel!
I will hit the nail,
I will drag down your veil,
I will bring success to shame!!
In this hell of a world!
I wont be an innocent sinner!
I would rather be a frank winner!
You think i can't judge?!
Those nonsense stuff!!
which u call rules?
You think i cant defy?
Those ancient moves?!!
I am here to live.
And not just dream!
Yes i will grief at my loss.
Yes i will be elated at my victories.
Yes i will have less friends than foes..
At times, my life will go for a toss,
But i do not need to be consoled,
Nor to be cared...
Cos for my life
I am my own console,my own care!
You cant control me!
You cant direct my ways,
influence my wishes!
to every alien effort i will be a rebel!
I will hit the nail,
I will drag down your veil,
I will bring success to shame!!
In this hell of a world!
I wont be an innocent sinner!
I would rather be a frank winner!
The Rain Dance
The infant icy drops drenched my parched soul..
felt like life was infused into my thirsty desires..
cured my heart so sore..
when like a heap of ecstasy u poured.
The sudden excited thunders
made it easier for me to cuddle into your arms..
my frightened shivering self melted
embraced by your affection so warm!
it made me wonder...
how the incessant loud noise..
was drowned by your loving voice..
With every tiny drop of cold shudder..
the night turned into a symphony of music..
into the perfect dream of a lover..
and our hearts..grew fonder and fonder...
with every tiny drop of cold shudder..!
you held me...pulled me closer to you...
we were captivated by our passion
surprisingly slowly burning in that pure blissful flood...
our wet eyes met...
our moist hands held..
and this moment froze forever and ever and ever...!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Confessions of a broken heart.
I know for you my friend,
I will leave love stranded!
I know for you my friend,
I will kill all my emotions!
I know for you my friend,
I will let my first love,
die a painful death!
My friend and my love will never know....
I murdered my first love.
I AM A MURDERER OF MY OWN FATE....
I will leave love stranded!
I know for you my friend,
I will kill all my emotions!
I know for you my friend,
I will let my first love,
die a painful death!
My friend and my love will never know....
I murdered my first love.
I AM A MURDERER OF MY OWN FATE....
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